EDIT: But wait… there’s more…
EDIT AGAIN: Sambo made me do another one…
The truth about corporate ladders
They are used to get up to the management level bathroom.
535ft Slip ‘n Slide
WOW.
There really isn’t much more to say.
I do have to say that you should read through the whole thread and catch all of the postings by “Bruiser”. I can’t wait to see the pictures of during the party. I mean, the guy is spending $18K to have a party. One of my favorite quotes… “Who buys a ton of ice? I buy a ton of ice”.
VWs Are TOUGH
I’m pretty sure this is a spoof of a VW commercial.. but I laughed my a$$ off anyway.
Beauty Contest
All I have to say is: be’ Huj
Which, as far as I can tell from this Klingon Dictionary means Strange Women.
Yes, it REALLY is a Klingon beauty contest.
EDIT: Thanks QOV for correcting my Klingon grammar. I was losing some serious sleep over that. 
Bunch of TOOLS
ARRGGHH… some jackass decided to walk into my garage and steal my Dewalt Combo Set and my Delta 12″ Miter Saw. WTF? Did they work their ass off to buy the stuff like I did? Did I do anything to them? People suck. That’s all I have to say. They are tools.
Art to sink your teeth into
See… here’s the thing. I have not really posted on this thing in what? Yeah.. almost two years. So, it is a little difficult to get back into the old twisted mindset. I know, some of you that really know me think that I am ALWAYS in that mindset. To some extent you are right.
To ease back into jump in head first into the weird, I present: Meat Art. It’s art made from, about or resembling meat.
Meat Fountain
The first site features such great stuff like this Meat Fountain. It’s a fountain… it’s made of meat.. and there are people dancing in front of it. Duh! Obviously all photoshopped, but hey.. someone calls it art.
Chess Board
Now we have a nice chess board. Made… of… meat…
This really is getting weird isn’t it?
Why the hell didn’t he make all of the chess pieces from meat. Now that would have been something to behold! Oh well.
Flight of the Reindeer
Yes ladies and gentlemen… I just cranked the WTF factor WAY up. This psycho chick, apparently named Victoria Reynolds, paints meat. No, she doesn’t slap paint on meat. She uses her brush with oil paints to create very realistic pictorial representations of meat. Why? Beats the hell out of me. At least it REALLY is art though. I mean, that is some disgustingly realistic meat.
And.. because although it’s just meat.. I didn’t want to creep everyone out too bad.. the best is after the fold. Read the rest of this entry »
HA HA! I WIN!
Hey.. all of you spammers. You lose. I win.
I just upgraded from a ridiculously old version of WordPress to the latest. The anti-spam plug-in instantly found 19083 spam. Yes… over 19000! With one click they were all gone. Ahhh…. I now have a reason to look at and potentially post on my blog without having to spend too much time cleaning all of the spam.
So.. for the small handful that check in on me… I’m back. Kinda. Mostly. Oh hell, I don’t know. At least now I can post and reply to your comments.
Tree Huggers
I apologize in advance. -Nef
While walking through the woods near Boulder, Colorado, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, “Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?
“I’m listening to the music of the tree,” the other man replied.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“No, would you like to give it a try?”
Understandably curious, the man says, “Well, OK…” So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it.
With this the other guy, slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.
Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, “What the hell happened to you?”
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story; the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, “Cupcake, this just ain’t your day…”
Old Man cont.
Crap. I just got my cholesterol numbers in the mail along with a perscription for Crestor.
Anyway.. thanks for those of you that commented. I’m amazed that you actually still monitor. So.. Meeta, Jeff, Crouching, Jayne, you guys rock. 
Old Man
It’s official.
I’m Old.
OK, I’m only thirty-seven, but I’m old.
Why do I say that I am old? Well, as most of you know (like anyone still comes here after the months and months of neglect), my wife has been having chest pains, shortness of breath, etc. As part of the diagnosis process she saw a cardiologist. I went along for support should, heaven forbid, some bad news be delivered. Thankfully her heart is wonderfully healthy. While at the cardiologist I bit the bullet. I decided my motto of ‘Ignorance is Bliss’ was probably not the wisest approach to long-life, so I made an appointment to have a full work-up.
Why?
Well, both of my brothers had heart attacks before the age of 55 (one was before 50) and my father had one around 80. The gun is already loaded.
Having moved back into an office environment a couple of years after an enjoyable two years of construction I find myself out of shape. Yeah, I’ve gained weight, lost tone, and generally have no self-esteem over how I look. It was a great experience going to the cardiologist. I had my blood pressure taken in both arms while getting the dreaded raised eye-brows from the attentive staff. Next up, change into some comfortable shoes and shorts… and no shirt… while an attractive 20-something female physician’s assistant attached probes all over my body. Oh yeah. At this point why even bother trying to suck in your gut? Screw it… I’m fat and old.
Next the male technician told me that he needed me to lay down on the exam table while he used the sonogram to observe my heart prior to exercising. Not that I care, but he looked like he worked out and could run a marathon. Yep, still fat and old.
They then took my blood pressure again.. more raised eyebrows. *knock it off*
I then got to take a leisurely stroll on the tread mill. We started out on no incline and a very slow pace. The PA was very nice and was sure to ask if I was feeling any heart pains or other discomfort. Oh, other than having a hot chick stand here while I’m walking my fat ass on a treadmill with no shirt to hide behind? Sure… I’m great. This fun lasted for about three minutes at which point the pace picked up a bit and I got an 8 degree incline. As my heart rate picked up to their calculated 70% maximum they took my blood pressure again, and again. This time there were no raised eyebrows of disapproval, but a look of bewilderment. It seems that as I exercise my blood pressure goes down. I’m a mystery of modern medicine. I raised my arms and cheered myself on with great satisfaction. I am sure the sensation was similar to completing a marathon, which I felt that in the past six minutes I must have run based upon how badly my calves were burning.
After another couple of speed adjustments and incline increases I was running up hill at almost full speed and hit the magical 100% heart rate. It was at this point that I discovered that Axe antiperspirant, while good smelling, is not that effective at stopping sweat, or masking it’s odor. Anyway, back to the examination table for more fun sonogram action.
After cleaning all of the sono-goo off of my chest and depilating my chest where the electrodes were attached, I was allowed to put my shirt back on.
The next part was my favorite. This is when the Doctor showed his face. He is good. He obviously does his best to scare everyone into changing their lifestyles. The gist of it is: I have apparently had high blood pressure for a while. It is pretty bad. Bad enough for him to immediately start me on some meds. It seems that one of my heart’s walls has thickened since I have been forcing it to work too hard with all of that extra pressure. Great. Only old people take high blood pressure medicine. Yet another confirmation.
Bah! I need to kick my own arse into gear and make some changes.
You Never Know
A man was on holiday in Kenya. While he was walking through the bush, he came across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.
As carefully and as gently as he could he removed the thorn and the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen — thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.
For years after, the man remembered the elephant and the events of that day. One day the man was walking through the zoo with his son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail. It stared at him and the man couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant.
After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.
The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man’s legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.
Probably wasn’t the same elephant.
How do I know?
On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth.
He asked her, “How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?”
“That’s easy,” she replied, “You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors.”
“But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?” he inquired.
“You ask them a riddle,” she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, “Would you please send Tony Blair in.” When Blair arrived, the Queen said, “I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child ?”
Blair replied, “That’s easy. The child was me.” “Very good,” said the Queen, “You may go, now.”
So President Bush went back to Washington and called in VP Cheney.
He said to him, “I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?”
Cheney replied, “Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a while?”
“Yes,” said Bush, “I’ll give you four hours to come up with the answer.”
Cheney left and called a staff meeting and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.
As Cheney was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said, “Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?”
“That’s easy,” said Powell, “The child was me.” “Oh thank you,” said Cheney, “You may just have saved me my job!”
Cheney went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush, “I think I know the answer to your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!”
“No, you idiot!” shouted Bush, “The child was Tony Blair!”
BLOG MUST READ: Ironic Sans
Since I have sucked SOOO bad when it comes to posting on my blog I thought I should at least provide you something to read while I figure out if I am going to keep doing this blog thing or not. While browsing around for goofy stuff as I always do I found a link to the Google Maps Guide to Ghostbusters. Yep, an interactive Google map that highlights most of the landmarks from the Ghostbusters I and II movies. Why? Beats the hell out of me. Probably “Why not?”.
Typically I find my best stuff not by looking at the widely publicized links such as this one, but digging deeper into a site. The more and more I read David’s site I realized that he was my type of trash. Just looking at his main page he executed on an idea that I recently had, but was too damned lazy to follow through on: Zephyrhills Natural Spring Water. Zephyr Hills is what it SHOULD be… instead they decided to run the words together and now market their product so it looks like a drug, or more to my thinking like a disease.
Further down the page I found it. Wit combined with a cheap optical illusion: The Pacifist Chess Set.
This is good stuff. Besides, I really like the site design. Very cool looking. I’m adding Ironic Sans to my bookmarks, and suggest you do the same.
